TOP 5 REASONS A MAN CHEATS
Today, we’re going to talk about the 5 Reasons men cheat. And it’s not what you think.
I believe, men cheat for 5 reasons. 3 are primary reasons, which have a lot to do with childhood. And 2 secondary reasons, which have to do with young adulthood, and adulthood.
- The First Primary Causes are due to a sickness, in the soul, mind and body.
The sickness occurs because of a decrease or lack of these 3 hormones. Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Dopamine.
Oxytocin: is the bonding hormone. It mainly comes from interaction with the mother at birth. Sometimes, the mother is given the baby to hold, immediately upon delivery, which creates a bonding experience. Mother and baby are receiving oxytocin. If the child feels rejected by the mother, not cared for, unloved, not nurtured, this baby will be deficient in oxytocin. The rejection could’ve started in the womb. The child will carry these wounds into adulthood, but they’re rooted in childhood.
Serotonin: Is produced 90% from your gut. It’s a sense of well-being. A child that has low serotonin will feel unsafe, and have an inability to relax. Low serotonin is the cause of depression. The child learns how to be well or okay by interacting with the mother. If the mother has low serotonin, the child will inherit her low serotonin.
Dopamine: Is the pleasure hormone. It makes you feel good. It’s located in the brain, and it’s what people seek when they’re depressed. It’s why people do drugs, eat sugar, drink, and cheat. The child learns how to deal with his low dopamine by watching the parents.
These are the effects of having low levels of these hormones.
Low Oxytocin produces feelings of being unloved, ignored, or hated. That’s why they say hearing a mother’s voice, gives a child, no matter what age, a hit of oxytocin. Again, these are rooted in childhood, but the young adult male will feel this about his sister, teacher, professor, girlfriend, wife, coworker, girl at a bar, boss. Anyone that represents the feminine principle, because it’s coming from his soul.
Low Serotonin produces feelings of depression, feelings of loss, sadness, and hopelessness. Again, these could be from early childhood, but the young adult male will feel this in response to his interaction with the feminine principle. Because this is coming from his mind, this is how he feels when he is alone. That’s why in the bible, it says, “It’s not good for man to be alone.” Because if he doesn’t feel supported, loved, or nurtured, he will fall into depression. His original emotional foundation is his mother.
Low Dopamine produces feelings of boredom, anxiety, panic, emptiness, desperation, and fear. This is the area where action will be taken. The man is in Life or Death mode. He’s using his animal brain. He feels like he’s dying, that he doesn’t exist. He needs someone or something to pull him out of his low place. He does this by drinking, doing drugs, eating to excess, gambling, and of course cheating. It’s never about the person he cheated with. It’s only about the pursuit of dopamine. Let that set you free, young ladies. The reason he cheated has more to do with his mother than it could ever do with you. His system is compromised. He is going from LOW TO LOW TO LOW to HI.
- Secondary Causes of men cheating has to do with the increase or lack of these 3 hormones. Cortisol, Serotonin, and Adrenaline.
Cortisol: is the stress hormone. It mainly comes stress from work, having an argument, loss of money, loss of position/title, ego-bruising, sickness, and even demonic possession. Cortisol stays in the body longer than adrenaline. Stress wears on a person over time. A person with high cortisol is subject to many related health issues.
Serotonin: Again, serotonin is a sense of well-being, and feelings that you can take care of yourself, you’re safe. Like everything is going to be alright, a sense of peace.
Adrenaline: Is the fear or excitement hormone. It makes a man feel empowered, because his body is getting ready for action. Our ancient biology was set to run from predators, like lions, tigers, bears, wolves etc. We still use it to play sports, run from other humans, fight, and protect ourselves. An adrenaline rush is when a man is excited about enjoyable danger, like skydiving, sneaking around, playing a concert. Adrenaline is the same as stage fright. Some people freeze, others run, others fight or engage.
High Cortisol produces feelings of stress and fear. Since it’s coming from the soul, a man will look to how his father handled stress. If his father was violent, if he isn’t self-aware, he will become violent, even towards himself. This is an unrested soul.
Low Serotonin produces feelings of weakness, inability to care for one’s self, depression, sadness, and it makes him feel like a little boy again. Since, this is what’s going on in his mind, he will seek to get out of this state as soon as possible. If he’s involved with someone, and they don’t help him get out of this state, he will seek other options. Depending on the frustration tolerance of the man, he will wait or he will grab his keys and walk out the door, without a second glance. He just doesn’t want to feel the way he’s feeling. If there’s no help at home, he will go to the streets.
High Adrenaline produces feelings of rage, anger, revenge, vindictiveness. This is a mix of his mother and father. How they fought or disagreed is where he will go when he’s feeling under attack. If his father was a cheater, he’ll go directly to that. He’s looking for comfort, and he’s unable to think about his actions in those moment. He feels like he’s dying, or will soon not exist. He wants to get this pressure off of him. The last place he felt wanted, desired, loved, or cared for, was in his mother’s womb. His seeking to cheat, has more to do with his mother than his partner. His anger towards his partner for not replacing his mother, is what spurs him into action. He’s mad at his mother first, and his partner second, for not replacing his mother.
It might have started out as sensation seeking, ego-boosting, but if the affair continues, this man is doing this for survival. Even if his partner responds the next day, or the following day, he keeps the mistress on hold, just in case, he’s ever in a desperate situation again. Men with Low Frustration Tolerance are not able to be alone. If their partner rejects them, in any way, they will find comfort in somebody or something. This is a man that doesn’t know how to self-regulate. His system is compromised. He is going from HI TO LOW TO HI to LO. He wants to come down.
That’s why after men cheat, they go buy flowers, treat the wife so nice, because he’s already gotten the demonic sperm out of his system. He receives oxytocin from the mistress, who is now acting as his long lost mother. If she ever starts acting like his rejecting mother or rejecting partner, he will replace her. This is coming from the body, which means, he’s unconscious in his actions. When a man is so filled up with rage, anger, pinned up libido, he’s out of his mind. There is another force working within him that is below the belt. The man who cheats, is not the man who returns and gets back into the bed with his wife. It’s two separate beings. 1 demonic, 1 human.
- The Biochemistry of the male brain functions in a triad.
First is the Reptilian brain. This is the animal brain, the one that we used in ancient times to hunt, gather, and fight. Some men haven’t evolved past this brain. Children function with this brain early on. Everything is an emergency. The ice cream, the toy, the candy, even the pacifier, must be obtained NOW! You can tell how primitive a man is by how quickly he responds from this part of the brain. He lives in survival mode, which is rooted in childhood. A man that wasn’t nurtured properly will stay in this mode long after he reaches adulthood.
Second is the Mammalian brain. Where we keep our emotions, where we seek pleasure, and where we avoid pain. A man that is sensitive, emotional, or has empathy will use this part of his brain to respond. This takes a few more seconds to process, slower than the instantaneous reactions from the primitive man. This is self-preservation, and can be the main motivator for cheaters that try to hide what they do. Because some men cheat, and they don’t even care about hiding it. Come home, smelling like perfume, lipstick on the neck, zipper unzipped. They don’t even care if you know, because they know you’re not going anywhere. The man that seeks to avoid pain, is also trying to avoid his partner from experiencing pain. When he’s in the cheating mode, he’s only thinking about himself. It’s only after he is finished cheating, experiencing guilt, then he will try to not be discovered because of his weakness.
Last, is the Rational Brain. This part of the brain becomes fully developed at around 25 years old for a male. There may be stressful situations, loss of a job, loss of income, or even an argument with a spouse, but he won’t immediately think of cheating. He has become to invested in the amount of time he’s been in the relationship, and he’s not stupid enough to throw it all away for a 15 minute hook up. By now, he’s learned how to self-regulate. He’ll either, go in another room, watch some TV, read a book, call his friend to vent, work in his garage, go mow the lawn, go do some work on the computer, whatever, but he’s not going to leave his house, jeopardize his family, or hurt someone he loves because his balls are ringing. He’s learn to shut off his libido, and not connect that alarm to his self-esteem. This is around the time men start thinking of marriage, because they realize that running around, chasing women, who take their spiritual energy, and give nothing lasting back, is not a good long-term investment. They also know that she is probably giving herself to multiple men, and interacting with her is more dangerous than he even knows. There’s always the possibility of someone finding out, and some of these women are crazy.
They call the wife, they scratch up cars, they foolishly think the man is going to leave his wife for them, and worse case they will kill. You ever watch the movie Fatal Attraction. Some of these people want to be with married men or men with significant others because they know that he’ll find out that they’re crazy. They give up their physical bodies right away because there isn’t anything else that’s going to keep him there. He stays with his current partner because she is stable, and he was just feeling low for the moment.
- Number 4 is about his Primary Needs. These are the statements inside that he’s trying to get rid of. When he’s low on Oxytocin, he’s saying to himself, I am unloved. Even if it’s not true, some men are very tactile. They can only receive love in the form of physical contact. If he asks for sex from his wife, she thinks he just wants to get one off. What he’s really asking for is his version of love. It’s how he receives it. Not so much about the physical act of sex, but it’s the acceptance of him at the soul level. You accept him into your space, and he’s allowed to purge himself of this pressure, which makes him relax, which makes him feel loved. A rejection by his partner, makes him feel unworthy, dirty, disgusting, and now he has to try to get his dopamine some other way. Either through porn, flirty texting with someone else, drinking, drugs, or cheating. Even making a man a nice home-cooked meal could stop him from cheating. He’s after the oxytocin of the nurturing, the yummy in his tummy for serotonin, and the dopamine from the carbs. If after the nice meal, he’s given some delicious sex, he will not be going anywhere.
When he’s low on Serotonin, he’s saying to himself, I feel unsafe. He is trying to find a way to feel safe. If his wife or partner is closed down, if he’s in the dog house, some men can’t handle that feeling of rejection, so they try to get out of it as soon as possible. One man’s threshold for emotional pain is another man’s no big deal. A child that had a low threshold for pain will use that same capacity as an adult, unless he evolves. A man needs to feel like he belongs, that he’s got a home, if he doesn’t he will wander.
When he’s low on Dopamine, he’s saying to himself, I’m empty, I’m dying. He’s not dying, but he feels like he’s dying because he can’t feel anything. This can go back to primitive times, because when a man felt like he was going to die, which they did at an early age, they tried to reproduce, so they would have a legacy. These men, without thinking, are allowing their bodies to seek for women to impregnate, even though they’re just looking for a good time. Sometimes, women do get pregnant, because the men are sleeping with them without birth control, and no one, not even the woman, has sense enough to protect herself from a man that she knows is not going to be around. That’s another story.
- Also, Number 5 is about his Secondary Needs. When he’s high in Cortisol, he’s saying to himself, I’m stressed out. I can’t handle this. This is too much. He needs reassurance, he needs to have some measure of control. This is at the root of his soul. The truth is, when a man is in high stress, his propensity to log off and let some other dark force take over his body, is extremely high. That’s why some people say that when they get mad, they black out. He needs a way to destress, that isn’t destructive, so he doesn’t escalate into the danger zone. A woman that looks into the future, knows when her husband or partner is going to be stressed, has something already for him when he gets home, she is way ahead of the game. A woman that compounds his stress, arguing with him as soon as he hits the door, aggravating him when he’s on the way home, is begging to get cheated on. Some women think their relationship is affair-proof because they look so good, and their vagina is made out of gold, but that’s not the case. If you are a bitch, you’re probably asking to get cheated on. No man likes a nagging woman. He’ll find him somebody ugly and nice, or nowhere near as beautiful, smart, talented, or whatever, just so he can have somebody that looks up to him instead of down. It’s that simple. If you are too high, he can’t impress you, he will go where he’s celebrated. He knows he’s not good enough for the woman he has, but he doesn’t want to be reminded of that. If a woman supports the man, elevates him, encourages him, he won’t cheat. That’s what he wants his mother to do. Love unconditionally.
A man with Low serotonin after being stressed is feeling helpless, like he’s a child again, but not with the benefit of the loving mother. He feels isolated, on his own, and not respected or regarded as the king that he is. He’s frustrated, and if he has self-awareness, he will use this time to fix the problem, assess the situation, rationally think of the next move. If he’s not, if he acts out without thinking, he will let the situation get bad in his mind, and then suddenly, he’ll be out the door, or wait until his partner goes to work or to sleep. No matter how much he tries, he can’t get out of this state, because he never learned how to self-regulate. He doesn’t know how to turn the page. He doesn’t know how to stop the record from playing in his mind. The voice in his head is way worse than anything anyone outside could say to him. It’s brutal.
By the time he reaches High Adrenaline, this is a man on a mission. He’s angry and he feels like he is going to die if he doesn’t do something to get out of this state. He is going to explode. Now, this is the exact same track a man uses to become violent. He cheats because to him it’s a better alternative. Some men mix sex with violence, which is how you get the rape, bondage, sadism, masochism, and sex trafficking. In their minds, sex and violence are neighbors, they can’t control their emotions, and their testicles are completely and utterly infected with a dark force. Now, if you compare that to a man that just cheats, it’s about the level of spiritual infection. The behavior comes from the mind, and the root of the soul. The problem started long before the cheating even popped into his head. Because life is going to happen. Everything is not going to go the way a child thinks it will. When he gets older, he comes to terms with that, and gets over it. A man that cheats, never gets over the fact that the world doesn’t revolve around him. That he needs to be able to self-regulate. The man that cheats puts his emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual needs on other people. Other people are responsible for how he behaves. He never takes a look at who he is, and who he has become. He doesn’t have an internal government system that would prevent him from risking what he has for a temporary reward. This is childishness. This is immaturity. A man that is very vulnerable is one that cheats on his pregnant wife, or wife that just gave birth and doesn’t feel like having sex for at least a year. The baby and the mother are getting their emotional needs met, the wife has no needs, and the man is left out in the cold. If he doesn’t have a relationship with God, to help him get through that, he’ll not only become resentful of the child, but also to the idea of the mother putting the child before him. If the child is a boy, the father can do many things throughout that child’s life to emasculate him, to make sure he’s not a sufficient rival. Again, this is a childish man. If it’s a girl, the father will spend his time trying to impress the child away from the mother, even bordering on inappropriateness, but I get into this in my book very heavily.
I made a list of possible stressors that can induce cheating in a man. Sometimes, it only takes one of these things, and in other men, it would take all of these things. You would have to know your partner, very well, including his past, to know where he fits on this list. Some men will never cheat, no matter what, because they don’t want to deal with the guilt after. They may cheat in their minds, they may cheat in their dreams, but they will never act out anything that would jeopardize the current reality.
By the way, flirting is not cheating. That’s a man trying to get a hit of dopamine. That’s not something I would waste time on. Some say it’s the gateway to cheating. If that’s the case, then every man on Earth is a cheater, because every man flirts, especially if he is being flirted with first. Once he takes a phone number, an email, an IG follower, DM, dick pic, whatever, that’s the gateway. But most men just want a quick stroke of their ego, and they forget about the person 30 seconds later. Some women really get into that and cause a whole days’ worth of arguing, when the man is already off that. If you find a man that never flirts, please know he is doing it behind your back. It’s harmless. If he does it where you can see it, he’s probably trying to irritate you to boost his self-esteem. Some men only think you want them, if you get mad when they pretend to like someone else. They don’t know how to just tell you, I feel like you don’t want me anymore. Instead, they create situations for you to be fearful, so they can check if you still want them and need them. It’s a childish game, but it’s rooted in his own fear.
I have a book that you can get on Amazon now, that really goes into depth about these subjects. My next video will be 15 Behaviors That Cheaters Have In Common. You can use this list to decide if you’re dating a potential cheater or not. Thanks for reading.